Soul Work

They tell me I need to dive deep to do my soul work ~ so I can understand how my soul works.
But you know swimming in this depth is like swimming through jelly. It aint always this pretty hippie shit you see on IGTelly.

In my body I've been fighting a chemical war here...been in the trenches before it was a challenege. Stood in the front line and took the first bullets.
cant even get no rest cz this spiritual warfare runs so deep. Iv slayed demons that have try to choke me in my sleep and seen them appear in eyes of these men. Devils aligned devils entwined.
So I prayed to God to protect me cz not all of then were mine.
I wonder what life would have been like if I was on the other side of that sliding door - If I wasn't sexually awoke from the age of four. Iv been trying figure out who Iam at the very core.

I was teethering the edge of life and death.
Shallow cuts on my wrist deep lacerations on my heart - I can only seem express my pain through my art.
At times My mind gets so clouded ~ floating around finding hard to stay grounded. Immersed in the dirt of this earth but thats where the most precious stones are found right.
So you see Im a Gem n I realise i was always searching for my twin.. what I didnt realise is that she was always within. blessed with duality ~ but always got shamed for expressing my sexuality.
As if I couldnt possibly have any religion or spirituality. So Call me multi faced.. but nahh Im just multifaceted.

So what- because I look a certain way my self love get perceived as arrogance
The space between the two is the egos pathway. We all invite in it but just dont let it overstay.
Im Stripping the layers and letting myself be naked despit whether or not others can take it. Im curious by nature so im always searching for truth, but you cant expect truth from people who lie to themselves and if you want to be bountiful you got to start holding yourself accountable.

But I got tired of dimming myself to comfort other peoples insecurities those who have preyed on my vulnerability.

See sometimes you gotta let people downgrade from a level theyre not ready for
You just gotta make sure that within yourself your secure.
Know who the fuck you are and what the bring you bring
If he really want me he better come with a ring
I dont have no in between
Im all the fuck out or im all the way in.
But fuck it up with a woman like me ask the others - youll spend your life regretting.
So I Abstained from sex to clear out these collected energies and work through those traumatic memories.

Too intense for the fainthearted
Too understanding for the ignorant
Too intimidating for the insecure.
Too strong for the weak.
Too deep for the shallow.
Too accepting of myself for those afraid to face themselves.
Ill always be too much for someone not ready to be around me im just learning not to take it personally. Of course they're going to sleep on you when theyre acting unconsciously.

So who cares if man doesn't chose you when your chosen by god.
And Im starting to see myself through my god given gifts.
Rebalancing my energy centres
Each time I go through a shift.
And now Im flourishing.. so if you cant contribute to my growth.. then please dont bother me. Misery loves company but Im not trying to keep myself vibrating at that frequency. Im trying not to control the outcome and let things flow to me organically.
I clawed myself out of that black hole so I could become whole,
But what I realised is to be whole you must emptied.
To be nothing but an awareness ~ an energy.
With light comes a little shadow.
But let that light dim
and your risk your darkness slowly pulling you in.

See I talk soft but when I speak I hit hard.
Learning to master this emotional alchemy... transmuting my pain to create a new reality.
My souls starting to feel comfort in being alone, genuinely enjoying my company cz Im a whole vibe even on my own.